Next phase of my life- divorce

[2002VTX]

deleted

[Voimakas]

The side note first: I hope they got it all (when it comes to the melanoma.)

Saying 'that sucks' doesn't even begin to cover it. My condolences on this SNAFU.

I'd say I hope things work out at least partially for you in this country, but the way divorce works is heavily weighted FOR the wife and mother.

I wish you luck.

[iron pony boyz]

Sorry to hear of your pain. Divorce under any circumstances is a long rough road for anybody. Hang in there guy.

My best friend is going through a divorce after 30 plus years. I advised him to get and attorney, seek mediation as the least expensive route and to try to negotiate the best business deal for himself and the family's future.

The range of emotions will come but in the end allow your values of integrity and fair play to rule.

Good luck.

[ScottCWhite]

Been there and done that for the same reasons. You may not see it now but time heals all wounds! I came out of the first divorce in 1998 with a wife that cheated, a chapter 13, then a chapter 7, then a car repo and bike sale plus had to give up my 2 dogs.

10 years later - I have the most gorgeous wife in the world that I trust and loves me unconditionally, own my own house, 2 cars, a new VTX and a great dog.

I wouldn't change a thing of my past if I could !

[TheEmerald Eyes]

Keep your head up.

My parents are both on their 3rd marriages. It will be hard for your kids at first, but you eventually get used to it.

I'm very sorry to hear of your pain.

[crew]

Glad you're doing well with your medical stuff ...

... all grace and blessings ...

With the marriage ... and divorce ...

Keep your %@<k!n ' trash off the street ...

You ain't Kevein Federline ...

You ain't married to Brittney Spears ...

Get yourself some counseling ...

The less trash you put out on the street now ...

The less trash you and your kids will have to clean up afterwards ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zeR3NSYcHk

... and nobody's going to make a music video about your drama ...

but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[KenzX]

There are no words that any of us can say to ease your pain...it is truly a terrible time in your life. There is One who can see you through all this and to a better day...cast all your cares on the Lord, trust in Him, and rely on His strength for comfort.

My prayers are with you.

[4inchpistons]

Once all is said and done, life just keeps getting better and better. Trust me.

[DrRadar]

Glad you're doing well with your medical stuff ...

... all grace and blessings ...

With the marriage ... and divorce ...

Keep your %@<k!n ' trash off the street ...

You ain't Kevein Federline ...

You ain't married to Brittney Spears ...

Get yourself some counseling ...

The less trash you put out on the street now ...

The less trash you and your kids will have to clean up afterwards ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zeR3NSYcHk

... and nobody's going to make a music video about your drama ...

but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

Way to be the compassionate liberal there crew:thumbup:. You truly are a disgusting individual.

Paul,
I know you came to a group that you felt safe with for support.
I'm sorry that this is happening. It hurts like no pain cancer could ever cause.
It's hard to be strong when you've received a major wound like this.
Be strong for your kids. Your kids need to know that you will always love them no matter what. That your love for them will not stop and you won't betray them like their mother did you.
They will have major trust issues with your wife. They will wonder if she could stop loving them like she did you.
You can help them get through this and in turn they will help you more than you can imagine.
I wish you the best.
I don't know how I would handle your same situation. Probably not well at all.

[RoadDawg]

First... I am glad to hear that they have given you hope that all of the cancer is out...
Second... This post was very hard for you to put out here for us to read and some just don't or won't understand that... sCrew them... We who have been there will understand and support you with prayers and hope for a speedy resolution to a very tough issue.
Third... NOTHING else matters as much as your children. In all that you do please remember that it is so important that you do NOT allow your feelings to taint anything between them and their mother. No matter what she has done, you can not allow the children to be placed in "the middle" between you and her. They are hurt and confused and NEED your guidance. I know because I have been there. My children did not understand what was going on and they were lied to by their mother. I forced my self (against my feelings at the time) to tell them that it was still important to me that they continue to love her. Further, I told them that what ever she was to me was not their fault and not due to anything they could control. I wanted them to know that it was not an affront to me and I was never going to be in competition for their love with her. Too many divorced couples never see that the children are casualties of a situation that they did not create... did not want... and can not fix... no matter how much they want to. It is so hard when you are hurting, to see the pain that the children try to mask and hide from you because they see your pain and do not wish to hurt you any more.
In the end... if you focus on taking care of the little ones and make sure that they know you love them... your pain will decrease as you watch them grow into well adjusted adults who are better able to handle lifes' hard times when they do appear. God Bless and keep you strong.

8)

[Duug]

Paul,...

Words can't ever express the saddness caused by these matters. Jus look to the future and know it's yours to mold as you will.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

[aardvark]

Dont take this as personal,...
but when a Woman you love and trust betrays you in that way,she is nothing but a self centered,lying, rotten Bitch..

Karma catches up with someone like that,and she is destined for the same heartbreak she inflicted on you..

Not to mention the other Men she was with,deserve to have the livin sh#t
beat out of them....They knew she was married...

Stay strong brother,getting someone like her out of your life is a gain...
not a loss.

Look after your kids,and find someone that appreciates you..
Take your time..You will bounce back ...:thumbup:

[XRiderChuck]

Good luck, bro... keep your chin up and do what ya gotta do...

[VTXRockCity]

Good luck, bro... keep your chin up and do what ya gotta do...

+1 .... prayers and well wishes man. Hang in there.

[BADography]

The longer we live, the more we must endure.

[jbeambabie]

With the marriage ... and divorce ...

Keep your %@<k!n ' trash off the street ...

You ain't Kevein Federline ...

You ain't married to Brittney Spears ...

Get yourself some counseling ...

Go play in the ****ing street Crew. Some of your posts I just shake my head at call you a douche bag out loud. This is one. The OP is looking to vent and maybe find some words of wisdom. Have some compassion.

And to you 2002VTX........
I hope everything gets easier for you. As I look back at some of those mini-crises in my life that were a HUGE deal to me then, I now realize they just opened up new doors for me to find something better. As stated before.... "Time Heals All Wounds"

[crew]

Way to be the compassionate liberal there crew:thumbup:. You truly are a disgusting individual.

Paul,
I know you came to a group that you felt safe with for support.
I'm sorry that this is happening. It hurts like no pain cancer could ever cause.
It's hard to be strong when you've received a major wound like this.
Be strong for your kids. Your kids need to know that you will always love them no matter what. That your love for them will not stop and you won't betray them like their mother did you.
They will have major trust issues with your wife. They will wonder if she could stop loving them like she did you.
You can help them get through this and in turn they will help you more than you can imagine.
I wish you the best.
I don't know how I would handle your same situation. Probably not well at all.

http://redstick.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/dr_phil.jpg

I am gentle and kind in the extreme compared to the real damage that will be done if Rancho Santa Margarita does not does not begin to do now what his attorney will certainly advise him to do at a much higher fee ...

I see no benefit in rolling around in the misery of others ...

:crew:

[RARVTX]

Sorry to hear of your mariage troubles. There's alot of that going around.:dontknow:

Keep close to your kids. Try and get full custody if you can.

As far as I'm concerned, the worst "Phase of Life" always begins with the words "I do.":yikes::yikes:

[aardvark]

Thanks guys. Once again, sorry for dumping on the list last night.

Didn't sleep again, maybe 2 hours. Haven't slept much in the last 3 months. The first week I was sh_tting blood in the toilet, passing out, etc. Least I have that under control. Still have chest pains in the middle of my chest that come and go. Not into sleeping pills or drugs for anxiety, just beers once in awhile, no hard liquor.

Funny thing is wife sleeps like a baby. Quite content. Sort of pisses me off. I would hope that she would feel regret, guilt or something, but all I can see is regret for getting caught.

This should have been one of the happiest times of my life, little kids becoming more independent but still wanting to do things with parents, more time available to spend with my wife because of their independence, enough money to have things I want. But now its all going away.

Lack of sleep and appetite are the beginning symptoms of depression..
Dont let it get away from you,or ruin your health.
Seek medical advice,therapy,whatever it takes to keep some sense of normalcy in your life..
The heart plays funny tricks on the mind..
The cheating half of a relationship hardly feels any remorse,since they have someone,or something else to run to..
Her turn is coming,and by then,you will be recovered,and hopefully in a good place in your life..

I know what you are feeling right now,and a lot of guys here do too.
I sympathize with you 100%...But know that this pain does pass sooner or later,and there is a light at the end of the tunnel..
Right now is the hardest part you have to endure...It gets easier..
Your pretty much in shock right now..You will at some point,think about blaming yourself,or somehow its your fault...DONT..!
She is the one that wrecked your marriage,not you...
Whoever she ends up has the discomfort of knowing she is capable of lying,cheating,and destroying a relationship..good riddance...

[2002_1800C]

Lack of sleep and appetite are the beginning symptoms of depression..
Dont let it get away from you,or ruin your health.
Seek medical advice,therapy,whatever it takes to keep some sense of normalcy in your life..
The heart plays funny tricks on the mind..
The cheating half of a relationship hardly feels any remorse,since they have someone,or something else to run to..
Her turn is coming,and by then,you will be recovered,and hopefully in a good place in your life..

I know what you are feeling right now,and a lot of guys here do too.
I sympathize with you 100%...But know that this pain does pass sooner or later,and there is a light at the end of the tunnel..
Right now is the hardest part you have to endure...It gets easier..
Your pretty much in shock right now..You will at some point,think about blaming yourself,or somehow its your fault...DONT..!
She is the one that wrecked your marriage,not you...
Whoever she ends up has the discomfort of knowing she is capable of lying,cheating,and destroying a relationship..good riddance...

I don't agree with you very much, but that's a great post!:thumbup:

Good luck 2002VTX. I feel for ya man, but it will get harder before it gets easier, but it WILL get easier!

[aardvark]

I see no benefit in rolling around in the misery of others ...

:crew:


No doubt about it Crew...your a Dick...

No compassion except for the Black Man huh..?

One of our members is in one of lifes tragedies, is obviously hurting,
and your being your usual Cvnt self...

Your a pathetic excuse for a Man,and obviously your misery loves company...
Go hang out at some other website,the novelty has worn off here.
You serve no purpose here, other than to be self serving..

[crew]

No doubt about it Crew...your a Dick...

No compassion except for the Black Man huh..?

One of our members is in one of lifes tragedies, is obviously hurting,
and your being your usual Cvnt self...

Your a pathetic excuse for a Man,and obviously your misery loves company...
Go hang out at some other website,the novelty has worn off here.
You serve no purpose here, other than to be self serving..

This one wasn't for you :?:

Not an opinion you approve of ...

Didn't like the way it was stated ?

Poor baby ...

Maybe next time ....

I'm guessing Rancho Santa Margarita is an adult with a mind of his own ... just a little temporarily "off balance" because ot this marriage thing ...

Like I said ...


http://redstick.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/dr_phil.jpg

I am gentle and kind in the extreme compared to the real damage that will be done if Rancho Santa Margarita does not begin to do now what his attorney will certainly advise him to do at a much higher fee ...

I see no benefit in rolling around in the misery of others ...

Thanks for the little temper tantrum because it gives Rancho Santa Margarita a second opportunity to give a real good think to my admonition ...

It's not going to change ...

... and it is exactly what his attorney will certainly advise him to do at a much higher fee ...

opinions vary ....

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[TennX]

YOU have my sincere and heartfelt best wishes. Good luck and God Bless.

[aardvark]

This fella is looking for help,and support...
If you are providing anything else,why bother with it...?

Some people just love to kick a Man when he's down...

[VACMAN]

Sorry Bro things will get better, prolly later than sooner, hang tough

[HondaPartsGuy]

Sorry to hear of your mariage troubles. There's alot of that going around.:dontknow:

Keep close to your kids. Try and get full custody if you can.

As far as I'm concerned, the worst "Phase of Life" always begins with the words "I do.":yikes::yikes:

:agree: +1,000,000,000

[ScottCWhite]

This one wasn't for you :?: I'm guessing Rancho Santa Margarita is an adult with a mind of his own ...

I'm guessing your retarded or just illiterate. Rancho Santa Margarita is not an adult, it's where he lives. At least if your going to be a dick have it make sense for the other readers.

[FR33K]

Well, it looks like I get to start a new adventure. Here I am, 49 years old, just had a brush with malignant malenoma (think they got it all), and now this.

Three months ago I overheard my wife of 14 years and mother of my two kids (7 and 10) making love talk phone call to her out-of-town boyfriend, expressing her true love for him and her desire to take it to the next level by arranging a meet for the the two of them.

Devistated, shattered to the core. I was suspecting something, but believed her in the past when she assured me that it was just my imagination, etc. Went to marriage counseling for the last three months. It's become obvious to me that she really doesn't feel any remorse for what she did to the family and to me. She feels totally justified because she wasn't happy.

So as of three months into this hell, I am now officially giving up on saving the marriage. Found out there was another guy before this one, so I am looking at deception for at least three years. Even if she did everything right to try and gain the trust back (which she isn't), I just don't have it in my heart to ever forgive and trust her again.

So off we go down a new type of hell. I am sure it's going to be an ugly divorce, as it's already ugly on the basic arguements we have been having since I discovered this.

I will probably loose the VTX and the Concours, most of my stuff, hopefully keep the house but in Southern California it is a large financial burden. Will have no money for myself, but it will be worth it to keep the kids as much as possible.

Shame really, the woman I fell in love with and married was not a selfish self centered person. Either I was wrong all the while or she changed. Regardless it is what it is now.

Major crushing heartache is what this is going to do to my kids. I love them so much and would never want to put them through pain, but I didn't start this or cause this, so I will have to get over the guilt.

Anyway, sorry if I am just dumping on the list. Just no one around to talk to tonight.

Sorry to hear about your melanoma bro and I hope they got it all.

Also sorry to hear you have to deal with the prospect of a crappy divorce. I know you can't see a brighter side to this divorce now, but you will eventually see quite a few in the coming years.

Just remember to be there for the kids and remember to allow them to love both mom and dad. It'll make your life a LOT easier in the early months and far better in later years.

Good luck to you man, I've been there and couldn't be happier with my pick for wife number two ;)

[RedWings]

Always rough, especially when young children are involved.

Believe or not, better days are ahead.


...
Funny thing is wife sleeps like a baby. Quite content...


She sleeps well for the same reason a perp sleeps well the first night they get arrested.


Good Luck and GOD Bless...

[tonguewagler]

Hey man real sorry to hear about your delema. Sure hope they got all the cancer. You will be in my prayers. Now do you think you might have to get rid of your bikes because she is going to make you sell them so she can get the cash. If so sell them to someone you trust, like a relative or a best friend, for like a dollar or two. Then once the divorce is final you can buy them back for a dollar or two and you will still have your bikes. But make sure you get this done before she or you file. Then you can give her her half which will be a dollar. Just my .02 cents. Even if you have to sell them later on at least she won't get any of that. Good luck brother and keep your head up. Things can only get better. Later

[roughrider]

2002vtx,
Happiness is a choice and sometimes takes hard work. A lot of people never learn this. Your wife is looking for someone else to make her happy and that is not going to work either. If she is not happy with a husband and two children that she knows love her, she has got a damn slim chance of being happy with a near stranger. I think most people have thought the grass was a little greener at least once, but the love for their family brings them back to their senses. Hers wasn't strong enough. You have a rough road ahead, put the kids first and keep setting goals to forge ahead. Try to spend time with friends and family having a good time. You can replace her.
That’s what I will tell you, but who knows what I would do?:-? sb

[aardvark]

http://www.fratellorestaurant.com/images/santa-margherita_pinot-grigio.jpg

[JMC1800S]

Been there and done that. I feel for you brother. My X-wife did the exact same chit, I swear I thought I was reading my own story. But after 7 years of being divorced from her and seeing the way men treat her know. I am getting the last laugh. We oddly enough are friends now. But here is how I look at it now.

Lawyer fees-$900
Car for her during the divorce-$4500
Deposit for her own appartment-$1200
Being able to sleep without worrying about a cheatin ho- PRICELESS

Hopes this helps you out.

[Scooter Geezer]

Been there, done that. The cancer, the divorce, and bankruptcy. Lost everything.

You can't look to other people or material things to be happy. That has to come from inside us.

No matter how bad you think things are for you, look around. You'll see a lot of people that would gladly trade places with you.

Keep your chin up. Live your life by your standards and values. In the end, you will have to answer to only yourself.

[tranz]

Been there, done that. The cancer, the divorce, and bankruptcy. Lost everything.

You can't look to other people or material things to be happy. That has to come from inside us.

No matter how bad you think things are for you, look around. You'll see a lot of people that would gladly trade places with you.

Keep your chin up. Live your life by your standards and values. In the end, you will have to answer to only yourself.


..best reply yet..rock on..

[BULLDOG va x rider]

dude, i feel your pain and hope for the best for you, yes u will lose the weight, i lost almost 80 pounds last year from pretty much the same deal.......i got told the first of june i dont love you, havent for years, just been doing wifely duties, oh and there is no one else, im just unhappy. so i host small annual party, the morning of the party and arrival of lets say 128 of my friends, she comes back to tell me she is in love with my best friend, if it wasnt for 128 of my closest friends being there with me that day, only a few knew what had happened, i dont know what i wouldve done......then life turned around,
i have always believed there was someone watching over us and one that made the master plan , but after an incident in 2000 i was made to doubt, then a friend told me about SOUL TIES , didnt make a lot of sense but i knew i had faith and did what i read, i went to bed that night and asked for forgiveness for both of them , my x and my x best friend and asked god and jesus to release me of any and all soul ties that i ever had for her......and went to sleep, dude , i woke up 6 or 7 hours later, i had no feeling for her, didnt want her back, didnt love her,......dont believe me , give it a try.......then 2 months later i met this amazing young lady, it makes you think why didnt i find her years ago, the past 9 months have been better than the past 15 with exception of my son , the apple of daddys eye and my true best friend.....divorce was final last week, hooray.

what i can offer from very recent experience
belive , pray, google soul ties and read and give it a try , if you have faith and believe, lean on your friends for a shoulder and a hand and a ear, and yes, here is a good place, no matter what crew says, i can tell u my best friends in the world are here, and they know who they are, and thanks to them and with them i am truely a lucky man , as you too will see u r in the future..

NUMBER ONE THING, MAKE SURE THE KIDS KNOW , IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT , THEY HAD NOTHING TO WITH IT, THAT YOU AND THE X WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM AND IN THAT REGARDS , NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE, AND DONT LET THE X OR U USE THEM AS BARGAINING CHIPS BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.....

good luck, contact if you ever need a ear , bully

[wrenchturner]

Bro, most of what everyone is saying here is the truth(except for a certain few). Both the things you are going through CAN be tragic if you let them be. You still have your life (most precious thing) and you still have your little ones. These two things are what you need to start focusing on IMO. The wife situation certainly occupies the majority of your thoughts as it did to everyone else here that it's happened to, including myself.
The trick is to try and focus on the positive things sooner than later. When you're pissed, go take your kids somewhere and do something with them. Even if it's just out in the back yard to nutz around. And while you're with them force yourself to focus on the moment with them. Don't let the things you think are coming prevent the happiness you're sharing with them right then and there.
The good news is that they are going to love you no matter what happens!! You'll always be their DAD and they're going to look to you for support and strength when they need it. Through the divorce and when they're older and have crisis of their own.
Once you get through the initial BS realize that it's completely YOUR life now and you can make it anything you want it to be. There's a whole world of positive possiblities out there and negative ones too. I hope you make the right decisions for you.
Stay focused on what really needs to be done, don't beat yourself up and eventually one day you'll pick your head up, look around and realize-that sucked but here I am and I'm doing alright.

[RoadDawg]

Doctor Phil says;


http://redstick.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/dr_phil.jpg


PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE sCREWball

8)

[crew]

Doctor Phil says;


http://redstick.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/dr_phil.jpg


PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE sCREWball

8)

Thanks for the shout out ...

I'm just not much for rolling around in the misery of others ...

Unless Rancho Santa Margarita wants to use this as an audition tape to the Jerry Springer Show reunion special ...

You don't want to be sitting in chair #1 before Jerry shows you what's behind the curtain ....

These forums are all over the world and you never know to what ends folks will use them ...

Keep in mind, somewhere a "biker buddy" may be laughing ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtFb4KtdGkw

You know what the blonde said after she lost her virginity :?:

Do all of you guys play for the same team :?:

You just never know ...

At this moment ... Rancho Santa Margarita ... has about as much "control" as he will ever have ...

Take what you need ...

Leave the rest ....

... and delete this thread before the laws of unintended consequences bury you ...

but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[aardvark]

Crew,please stop your inane blathering....

No one understands or cares what you think...nojoke

[grundle]

Crew,please stop your inane blathering....

No one understands or cares what you think...nojoke
I don't mind Crew's posts and would say some of the time they make me think a bit about other sides of an issue...

With that said, Crew you stepped over the line in your response to this one. Guy needs some sympathy and to vent, his situation is fewked up and he's in pain...

Everyone here posts something helpful or sympathetic and you go slamming on him. Ain't right brother...

Grundle "If you can't say something nice when someone is in pain you need to shut the F up"

[crew]

Crew,please stop your inane blathering....

No one understands or cares what you think...nojoke

Don't you remember the old Jerry Springer Show ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ePBBdoNLLM

There would be this guy or girl sitting in the chair telling their terribly sad story ... or at least everything THEY knew about the story ...

... and then there would be the spouse or significant other that would come out and tell them what they didn't know ... which would be far, far worse ... and the audience would hoot and howl and have all of these opinions and good advice ...

I'm hoping Rancho Santa Margarita does not turn out to be "that guy" ...

I'm just not much for rolling around in the misery of others ...

Unless Rancho Santa Margarita wants to use this as an audition tape to the Jerry Springer Show reunion special ...

Rancho Santa Margarita doesn't want to be sitting in chair #1 before Jerry shows him what's behind the curtain ....

He seems to have enough on his plate as it is ...

... and there is always more you don't want to hear or know ....

These forums are all over the world and you never know to what ends folks will use them ...

... and it is exactly what his attorney will certainly advise him to do at a much higher fee ...

Does that help ?

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[aardvark]

Crew,
I hope you are never down and out,downtrodden,or in need of some place
to have someone to lean on...

Caus' you will never get that from anybody on this board...
You reap what you sow....


OK,now more posts about Jerry Springer..:roll:
You take a theme,and run into the ground in no time flat...blathering..

[aardvark]

I don't mind Crew's posts and would say some of the time they make me think a bit about other sides of an issue...

With that said, Crew you stepped over the line in your response to this one. Guy needs some sympathy and to vent, his situation is fewked up and he's in pain...

Everyone here posts something helpful or sympathetic and you go slamming on him. Ain't right brother...

Grundle "If you can't say something nice when someone is in pain you need to shut the F up"


Really..? They make me think Idiotic Aliens are living among us...

[grundle]

Really..? They make me think Idiotic Aliens are living among us...

Sometimes he's clever (sometimes)... This time he is pretty much a dick.

Grundle "I do believe in Karma, the Bible even refers to Karma... You reap what you sow"

[aardvark]

Sometimes he's clever (sometimes)... This time he is pretty much a dick.

Grundle "I do believe in Karma, the Bible even refers to Karma... You reap what you sow"

Theres a difference between being witty and clever...
and thinking your witty and clever...

Most of his cut & paste replies seem pretty contrived..
I bet when he has face to face conversations with people,
he just tries to one up,or out do the other person...

It stems from an inferiority complex....

[JollyRoger]

:crew: = http://www.lidenstidning.se/internet_2007/070707_trollnatta/TROLL.jpg


I get it now.

[crew]

I don't mind Crew's posts and would say some of the time they make me think a bit about other sides of an issue...

With that said, Crew you stepped over the line in your response to this one. Guy needs some sympathy and to vent, his situation is fewked up and he's in pain...

Everyone here posts something helpful or sympathetic and you go slamming on him. Ain't right brother...

Grundle "If you can't say something nice when someone is in pain you need to shut the F up"

I have folks that I can call 24/7/365 and need not explain why ...

Not many ...

... count them on one hand ...

... but more than enough ...

Healthy relationships are very important ...

To maintain a healthy sense of self, we need to define healthy levels for self-disclosure or openness.

... putting your most intimate trash out on the internet is not one of them ...

... consequently ...

The second best alternative ...

... good professional counseling ...

... my posts lacked neither help nor sympathy.

It simply may not have been what folks wanted to hear.

... and it is exactly what his attorney will certainly advise him to do at a much higher fee ...

Divorce is not a "phase" ...

... but rather a canceling of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage that requires the sanction of a judge or other authority in a legal process.

The legal process for divorce involves spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt.

Things are what they are, not what we would have them to be ...

but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[race66]

To the OP....

good luck, sounds like you may be better off without her.

[aardvark]

I have folks that I can call 24/7/365 and need not explain why ...

but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:


The Suicide Hotline....?
call there a lot do ya....?

I bet they are now putting you on hold when you call..

[big hanno]

Mate it's a tough hand you have been dealt, but life will get better. Most of us have been in a similar situation. It's crap while you are in the middle of it, but there is a better woman out there waiting for you.

If I could offer just one piece of advice...........no matter how much you hate your partner,,,,,,,,,never bag her out in front of your kids........normally one partner does and as the kids grow up they see it and it hurts them along the way.

Good luck, hold in there and trust me................It will get better! :thumbup:

[crew]

Mate it's a tough hand you have been dealt, but life will get better. Most of us have been in a similar situation. It's crap while you are in the middle of it, but there is a better woman out there waiting for you.

If I could offer just one piece of advice...........no matter how much you hate your partner,,,,,,,,,never bag her out in front of your kids....:thumbup:....normally one partner does and as the kids grow up they see it and it hurts them along the way.

Good luck, hold in there and trust me................It will get better! :thumbup:



The less trash you put out on the street now ...

The less trash you and your kids will have to clean up afterwards ...



but ...

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[2002_1800C]

he just tries to one up,or out do the other person...

It stems from an inferiority complex....

That statement describes both of ya right now. You two need to get over yourselves. This thread isn't about you two.

[ScottCWhite]

at this moment ... Rancho santa margarita ... Has about as much "control" as he will ever have ...:crew:

Please, for the sake of my sanity. His name is paul. Rancho Santa Margarita is a place you moron. Places can't have control

[Garand1957]

my two kids (7 and 10)
Well there is at least 11 years of child support in your future nojoke
If she want's to be a real bitch she can go back to court every two years and have the amount raised to cover COLA. :sad:
God help you if you were the only bread winner because then she can get alamony.
Also if you have a 401K at work she is 50% in for what ever you have up to now.

[crew]

Please, for the sake of my sanity. His name is paul. Rancho Santa Margarita is a place you moron. Places can't have control

:lol::lol::lol:;)

I just used it as a "board name" as to not make it too personal ...

I don't know the guy ...

I was just responding to the post ... so I didn't use the sig line ...

But ...

Thanks for the yuks ...

:lol::lol::lol:;)

opinions vary ...

all blessings ...

crew

:crew:

[jbeambabie]

The less trash you put out on the street now ...

The less trash you and your kids will have to clean up afterwards ...

:crew:

Hearing you say that about 4 times this post reminds me that.............

"Car tires are for cars"

[BULLDOG va x rider]

Well there is at least 11 years of child support in your future nojoke
If she want's to be a real bitch she can go back to court every two years and have the amount raised to cover COLA. :sad:
God help you if you were the only bread winner because then she can get alamony.
Also if you have a 401K at work she is 50% in for what ever you have up to now.


not for sure,

mine signed away her rights to 401 and retirement and we have son 50/50 so we each pay for half of day care and half of insurance and half of whatever insurance doesnt cover, and he gets what he needs when with me from me and from her when he is with her.....if she moves out walks out, it can be considered abandonment and u dont owe her ****, so let her go,

[aardvark]

That statement describes both of ya right now. You two need to get over yourselves. This thread isn't about you two.


Mind your own Beeswax buddy....:thumbup:

I offered some support,and it irks me that one jagoff has to rub salt in the guys wound...

[catdaddy1010]

Hey Paul, there are a lot of us here that have or are going thru what you are and I can sympathize. There are no magic words to fix what you're feeling. It's just gonna take time and lots of it. Just don't do anything hasty and don't do anything period when you're in an emotional state. Think things thru, write it down and then read it out loud and please talk to people, please. No matter how smart we are, where we've been or what we've been thru, all we have is our own perspective and at times like this it's just not enough. I've been perplexed and in turmoil over things and a sentence or just a word from someone else will open up a whole new avenue of thought process. And always handle your business, this is no time to let things fall apart, coz that's just something else you're going to have to fix back right.
I have no clue what California's divorce system is like, but it sounds like you have enough evidence to prove adultery, and here in the dirty south, that's still a hanging offense. It's time to man-up Paul, get ahold of your bootstraps and do work. Show us what you're made of and make me proud to call you my friend. Peace, love and prayers for you. PM me if you really need me to jack you up.

[Jonathan]

Dude, as a child of divorce that makes me so pissed off I'm seeing red. "She's not happy" what a kunt.

That's just the kind of self centered b1tch that's going to use the kids to try and get to you, my mother did the same and made me and my sisters life miserable.

"Your father doesn't love you"

"Your father cares about his girlfriend more than you"

and the real kicker, "your father cares about his girlfriend's kids more than you"

That's all sh1t I heard threw my childhood because my mother wanted to hurt my father.

I know this doesnt' do anything to lift your spirits, sorry.

Do everything you can to stay close to your kids, it's going to be ugly with such a cold b1tch, but try and stay out of the mud, don't trash talk her to the kids or in front of the kids no matter how ticked off you are, that's they way my father handled it and I looked up to him for it.

There's this song by Everclear, Father of mine. Despite it being from the point of view of a dead beat father and raised by your mother, opposite of me, I think it's the anthem for kids of divorce, the best line is: "I will never be sain, I will always be weird, in my own way"

There's also something else I have to say and you and all other fathers aren't going to like it if you have a daughter. When I was a young walking hard on in high school, studying girls and what made them tick, I discovered that the slutty girls all had one thing in common, they didn't have a good relationship with their father, mostly because of divorce. So if you have a daughter, take special care to stay close to her.

For us guys things come up later in life, un able to stay in a committed relationship, that's me, you're afraid to commit because you're afraid it'll end in divorce. My best friend, also a child of divorce stayed in an unhappy marriege with a nutty wife because he didn't want to put his kids threw a divorce. Up until the time she decided she liked women more than men and left him.

[haveme1]

My gal decided she didn't want to live the kind of life I had to live after I got hurt on my VTX. After a yr of promising me she wouldn't leave me ..... she left me.

Now I'm F'ed up and do not stand a chance of getting another "good one" like her ........ ?

SO go on out there and walk right up to em and say hello !

[aardvark]

Dude, as a child of divorce that makes me so pissed off I'm seeing red. "She's not happy" what a kunt.


There's also something else I have to say and you and all other fathers aren't going to like it if you have a daughter. When I was a young walking hard on in high school, studying girls and what made them tick, I discovered that the slutty girls all had one thing in common, they didn't have a good relationship with their father, mostly because of divorce. So if you have a daughter, take special care to stay close to her.




Thank God for some of them sliding through,or we would have
No Strippers...!!


just trying to lighten things up a bit...

[PunisherVTX]

Bro, there are many other chicks out there, God blessed you with your illness and will take care of you with another deserving woman. Now wipe the tears, get off your butt and take care of the kids

[mojoguy]

Trust me it gets better. I also had a practice marriage for 10 years that included house, cars, toys and 2 kids. Dont worry about the cars or bikes. They can be replaced if you somehow loose them. As for the kids, man go for custody and child support. Kids will be fine :thumbup: DOCUMENT everything now that happens between you to as its hard to recall things later that you may need as ammo. Be the petioner and not the respondent, you have more control as to conditions of the divorce.

If I can offer any advice its to stay calm and use your head. Remember that women operate on emotions.

[KD3NE]

Good luck with what the future brings.

Wish I could tell you how to fix your situation, but I can't. Obviously you have tried all that you can, and are now at this point and I can only imagine that it sucks.

Most important of all ..... don't loose hope, and don't destroy anyone along the way. Life is strange, and you never know when the path of one you destroy may once again cross your own.

I cannot speak from experience, but given that there are children involved try and keep things as civil as possible otherwise they children may be forced to " choose sides " and may not make the choice you want. Be the better person and take the high road.

Like others said though, before depression sets in .... seek some advice from your doctor.





As far as I'm concerned, the worst "Phase of Life" always begins with the words "I do.":yikes::yikes:

OK, I for one will have to disagree here ..... yeah I know I am in the minority but for once being in the minority feels pretty good.





.

[taozen79]

IT is a difficult situation for sure...Although I am long in the tooth, I have been through that , after a long term marriage.. Well to spare you the details, let me just say.... I met some one...10 years ago remarried.. IT has been the BEST years of my life, I didnt know how hard it was in my previous marriage till I now look back... So, just know, look ahead, keep the best relationship with your children that is possible, and keep moving forward. The best part of your life lays ahead.. Somewhere it is out there...Just like riding the bike, focus on the road ahead!

Keep the shiny side up.

Ride on..
live to ride, brother...

TAO

[vtxbronco]

Original poster..deleted post..maybe they worked things out????;)

[RARVTX]

Original poster..deleted post..maybe they worked things out????;)

Either that or her divorce lawyer got wind of the post and is now suing for more spousal support. :popcorn:

[vtxbronco]

Either that or her divorce lawyer got wind of the post and is now suing for more spousal support. :popcorn:

that would stink for sure..:(