How 'bout a joke? - VTXOA
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post #1 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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How 'bout a joke?

Let's build this list, could we get to 20 or 30 pages?... I'll start.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman



Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee when one of the Catholic men tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh - My - God."

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]2004 vtx1800c.
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post #2 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:27 PM
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Ohhh goodness. I will start 'stealing' from another site. It has hundreds of joke pages. Some are GREAT!!

Joe T.

WARNING: It is an international motorcycle website. So, some of the humor is a bit obtuse.

...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #3 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:29 PM
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Obviously british:

Bloke I work with just sent this round:


So here's a joke my 15 year old daughter told me last night
on the way to music lesson. Damn near crashed the car, I can tell you.

Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and acid rain?
A: Nothing. They both f**k up trees.

Gobsmacked,
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #4 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:30 PM
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Q: Whats the similarity between girlfriends and clouds?

A: Sooner or later they will f**k off and it will be a beautiful day !!!
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #5 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:31 PM
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not quite a joke, but this made me laugh until I cried .....


Someone recently was swapping driving test stories....

Thats not as funny as the one I heard who done their motor bike test, and to simulate the emergency stop the instructor asks you to drive around the block then he 'jumps' out at you from behind some cars.... only the damn fool instructor jumped out in front of someone else... who proceeded to get off his bike and hit him... :ryan: much to the amusement of the person taking the test.... who by this time was just coming around the corner......

priceless!
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #6 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:33 PM
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Gotta love the Irish:

Sorry, bit long but this one turned up in my email today....and made me LOL
(...and hey lets not go off on the racist thing again!.....it's a joke!!)

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and
says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the
bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as
Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his
head and says.....
"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #7 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:34 PM
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Irish Part 2:

...and PART TWO:

Moment's later Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the
pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another
paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis,"
Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the
Edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and
shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the
bottom and breaks every bone in his body.
Paddy shakes his head and says,...
"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #8 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:35 PM
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Irish Part 3:

...and PART THREE:

Paddy is just getting over the shock of loosing two friends when
Sean Og appears.
He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of
which he pulls a chicken.

Sean Og then hurls himself off the cliff and disappears
down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head -
"Fook that Lads. First der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting and now Sean Og and his fook'n hengliding!"
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #9 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:35 PM
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Ireland strikes back!!!

Q. What's black and blue and floats in the Irish sea?

A. An Englishman after telling an Irish joke..............


I liked this one best.
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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post #10 of 410 (permalink) Old 10-10-2010, 09:36 PM
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Accountants and constipation

Did you hear the joke about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil.

With apologies to all accountants.





And those with constipation.
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...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.
Theodore Roosevelt
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